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CHECK OUT THIS WEEK'S BLOG POST!
 
1/08/2016

frenemy_ bully_ mean friend
Photo Credit Trent Briggs
By Nadine Briggs

Here is the story of Wiskers (not a typo, his name is spelled without the "h"). Donna and I have told his story to elementary and middle school kids all over New England and it resonates with our audience every time. It is a story of what friendship is and what it is not. Friendships can change over time so it is important to reflect on and evaluate how other people make you feel from time to time.

My son had a very photogenic hamster named Wiskers. Wiskers was his first pet and my son took very good care of him.  He made sure Wiskers had food, water and got regular exercise in his plastic ball that hamsters run around in. One day when my son was 9 years old, he had a friend over for a play date. Wiskers was running around the bedroom in his plastic ball. My son's friend was playing a video game on his Nintendo DS while my son kept an eye on Wiskers. The lid of the hamster ball popped off while Wiskers was rolling around giving Wiskers the opportunity to discover some new found freedom. Wiskers started to run all around my son's bedroom. That fact that it was a 9 year old boy's bedroom, meant that there was stuff everywhere. As my son tried to recapture his hamster, the conversation went something like this:

Son: "Hey! Wiskers is loose! Help me grab him."
Friend: "Yeah, sure when I'm done here..." (in a completely uninterested and distracted tone).
Son: "No, really! He's gonna get hurt. We have to catch him before he gets behind my cabinet or we'll never get him!"
Friend: "Mhm..."
Son: "DUDE!!! I mean it!!"

At this point in the story, the kids we tell it to are usually quite concerned about Wiskers's well-being as was my son at the time. Wiskers has since passed of natural causes but fortunately did not become lost or meet his end that day. My son recaptured his hamster without any help from his "friend." My son had noticed that he was not enjoying his time as much with this particular "friend" prior to that day, but the disinterest his "friend" displayed in helping when my son's pet was in danger was a turning point of the friendship. My son decided it was time to reevaluate this friendship and figure out if it was one he wanted to continue. We had many discussions about the friendship and whether or not it passed the "Real Friend Checklist".

Real Friends Checklist
  • Hangs out with you when not in school;
  • Texts or calls you regularly;
  • Is trustworthy with your secrets;
  • Makes you feel good about who you are;
  • Does not try to change you or make you feel less than;
  • Listens;
  • Is honest and respectful; and,
  • Likes you for you.
As time went on, fewer and fewer of the checklist items applied to the friendship my son had with this other boy. The friendship was ending and he decided it was time to move on. It is important for all kids to understand that true friends will not disrespect you, make you feel badly, or dismiss you when you ask for help. It is also important for them to understand that a change in the dynamic of friendships is very common beginning somewhere around 5th grade and into middle and high school. While these changes can be painful, it is a normal process of growing up and should not be taken personally. Kids may experience "dry patches" where he or she may have very few, if any, friends. Kids need to understand that he or she will find new friends again. As kids mature, they naturally become more selective in who they spend time with and will want to be with other kids who share the same interests. Finding and forming new friends may be difficult and can take time, but kids will find that the new friends may treat them far better than the ones left behind.

Check out more blogs oHowToMakeAndKeepFriends.com.
I FEEL MAD! TIPS FOR KIDS ON MANAGING ANGRY FEELINGS
Now available on Amazon.com

I Feel Mad: Tips for Kids on Managing Angry Feelings
contains full color illustrations by artist Ryan Flynn.  The beautiful images further enhance the effective tips and make the workbook a must-have for kids who struggle with anger issues.  

In the new anger workbook, children will learn:
 
  • the anger rule to follow and what they may or may not do when they are feeling angry;
  • that anger is a normal emotion we all have and that managing anger appropriately is a critical life skill;
  • how to identify the physical sensations of anger and imple ment strategies before it becomes too hot to handle;
  • a menu of safe strategies to choose from when angry situations arise; and
  • effective problem solving skills and specific reactions to replace an angry response.
The How to Make and Keep Friends books are known for providing quick, easy tips for kids that help them with managing their feelings as well as developing friendships.   I Feel Mad: Tips for Kids on Managing Angry Feelings is based on the one-of-a-kind "Getting the Mads Out" skill-based workshop that has helped many children learn to manage their angry feelings over the last decade.  

Donna Shea, Director of the Peter Pan Center, and Nadine Briggs, Director of Simply Social Kids, are passionate about helping kids make and keep friends. They have dedicated themselves to working with children who experience mild to moderate social difficulties to foster positive social skills and interactions. 

MORE FROM HOW TO MAKE & KEEP FRIENDS

 

Donna Shea & Nadine Briggs | How to Make & Keep Friends, LLC | Shea 978-413-1965/Briggs 978-764-2758 | E-mail | Website


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