Sarah's Commentary:
What are we being saved from here? Our guilt. When our guilt is released, we will know our holiness, which is the opposite of guilt. Thus, salvation is the opposite of hell. Our guilt is what keeps us in hell. There is no hell, with the exception of the experience we have as a result of our guilt and fear. There is so much to say about guilt, and, because it will come up in future Lessons, I will try to keep this somewhat brief.
First I went to the Circle of Atonement glossary, where I found this on "Guilt":
"Guilt's ultimate basis is the belief that a) we attacked and separated from God, thus b) murdered our divine innocence and turned ourselves into egos, who now c) deserve death and hell. This belief is utterly false, for a) we are incapable of sinning or separating, b) cannot remake ourselves and c) cannot die. Hence, there is no such thing as the state of guilt. There is only the unfounded feeling of guilt. Guilt is at the core of our experience here. It maintains linear time, for it rests on past mistakes and demands future punishment. (see T.13.I.8-9) It made the physical world, which is why the world constantly seems to be punishing us. (see T.13.IN.2-4) It is the essence of our perception of the world. It is the sole cause of all pain. We think that feeling guilt is honest humility which motivates us to obey God's laws. Yet guilt is purely an ego device for arrogantly demonstrating that we are separate from God and should fear Him. Guilt maintains the ego's existence. For this reason, the ego is attracted to guilt. Thus, the ego tells us to "sin" in order to obtain certain pleasures, to attack in order to find safety, and to project guilt onto others in order to rid ourselves of guilt. Yet the real motivation behind all of these, and their real result, is the accumulation of more guilt. Since guilt is the only thing that keeps us from God, the journey home consists entirely of teaching and learning the unreality of guilt through forgiveness." [Circle of Atonement Glossary on Guilt]
"If you identify with the ego, you must perceive yourself as guilty. Whenever you respond to your ego you will experience guilt, and you will fear punishment. The ego is quite literally a fearful thought. However ridiculous the idea of attacking God may be to the sane mind, never forget that the ego is not sane." (T.5.V.3.5-8)(ACIM OE T.5.VII.62)
The foundation of guilt is we believe we separated from God and thus killed our divine innocence, turned ourselves into egos, and we now believe we deserve death and hell. While we can't consciously connect with that foundational event, we can and do experience guilt as a result of things we have done, not done, thought, and felt. In fact, we live in a constant state of underlying guilt.
Jesus comes to the core question in this Lesson, which is to ask, "If guilt is hell, what is its opposite?" (W.39.2.1) He responds by saying, "This is not difficult, surely." (W.38.2.2) He says this because it is not at all ambiguous. He says we hesitate because we don't believe guilt is hell. If we did, we would not choose it. We would not even need this Course if we believed guilt is hell. In fact, "If you did, would see at once how direct and simple the text is, and you would not need a workbook at all. No one needs practice to gain what is already his." (W.39.2.5-6) While we know ourselves in this separated state of guilt, it is clear we don't know who we really are.
We think we don't want the guilt. Yet we do want our individuality and the body and the world. With them comes guilt, and that is what the Course means by attraction to guilt. Unquestionably, we don't want it in ourselves. We want our separate identity, but we don't want the guilt. The ego has an answer. It says, "Fine, all you need to do is see in your brother the guilt you don't want to see in yourself." And that is what we love to do. We are very attracted to seeing it in others, but the only reason we want to see it in others is because we want to keep it real in ourselves. Of course, this strategy is hidden from our awareness, which is why Jesus brings it to our attention. Only when we see this strategy, which we use against our own happiness, are we motivated to change. When we don't see our own strategy keeps us in hell, we continue to listen to the ego's counsel, which is to keep our guilt hidden by projecting it onto others. What the ego does not tell us is this is precisely how we keep it.
We fear looking at our guilt because we still want our individual self. This is why Jesus helps us to see how afraid we are of love, which is what our resistance to this teaching is all about. It does not seem simple to our complex minds filled with guilt and fear. Thus, the undoing process must be slow and gentle for most of us. We are assured we will not be thrust into Heaven, but will go only as quickly or slowly as our fear will allow. As long as we are invested in our individual existence, we will think this world of guilt is a better alternative than to wake up to the truth of who we are.
Jesus says every time we cry, regardless of the situation, we are actually crying for our lost innocence. The truth is we have not lost our innocence, our divinity, or our holiness, but we think we have. As long as we continue to feel guilty, we are showing Jesus he is wrong and we are right about who we think we are. The whole focus of the Course is to show us the way that will free us from our guilt. "The ego is the choice for guilt; the Holy Spirit the choice for guiltlessness. The power of decision is all that is yours." (T.14.III.4.2-3)(ACIM OE T.13.VIII.68) Later we are told, "You are guilty or guiltless, bound or free, unhappy or happy." (T.14.III.4.6)(ACIM OE T.13.VIII.68)
"The miracle teaches you that you have chosen guiltlessness, freedom and joy. It is not a cause, but an effect. It is the natural result of choosing right, attesting to your happiness that comes from choosing to be free of guilt. Everyone you offer healing to returns it. Everyone you attack keeps it and cherishes it by holding it against you. Whether he does this or does it not will make no difference; you will think he does." (T.14.III.5.1-6)(ACIM OE T.13.VIII.69) Yet we yearn to know our divine goodness, and long to return home to our Self. "You have not lost your innocence. It is for this you yearn. This is your heart's desire. This is the voice you hear, and this the call which cannot be denied. The holy Child remains with you. His home is yours." (W.PI.182.12.2-6) There is no substitute for the divine innocence of our true nature even though the ego is quite prepared to offer substitutes. It tries to show us how we might achieve self-esteem, respect, worthiness, power, status, special relationships, and things of this world to make us happy, but none of them will take the place of our desire to know our holiness.
We have become so used to our underlying anxiety that we are mostly not even aware of the thoughts there. We need to start attending to our thoughts by being vigilant in watching them. The reason is we can't bring any thought for healing we deny to ourselves. But we have been previously cautioned in the Lessons to look at these thoughts and feelings casually. In other words, don't judge them or yourself as wrong, just notice without judging. Jesus tells us unhealthy denial is when we attempt to conceal our thoughts and feelings. Our unloving thoughts are just mistakes. It is not helpful to crucify ourselves for them. This will just hinder the healing process. To look at our thoughts without judgment is to look from above the battleground. From this perspective, we are looking at them with the Holy Spirit, and from this place, we recognize the thoughts as illusory. This is what forgiveness does. "Forgiveness, on the other hand, is still, and quietly does nothing." (W. P.II.Q.1.4.1)
Remember, we are not trying to make ourselves into more loving people. Holiness is already ours. This is why the Lesson reminds us, "My holiness is my salvation." (W.39) We have just hidden our holiness behind a cloud of guilty, fearful thoughts. Those thoughts can be released with the help of the Holy Spirit, then the love we are comes streaming through. There is nothing we need to do.
Why the resistance? The ego depends on our continuing to feel guilty. It has taught us to project our guilt outside ourselves, then we just end up feeling more guilty. We think we deserve punishment and create situations to deliver it to us. We think if we can get the world to do it to us, we can relieve some of our guilt. It is like feeling better after we were spanked when we were kids because we knew we had done wrong and deserved punishment. Until we take full responsibility for our guilt and our attacks, the cycle continues. Trying to manage our guilt by denying it, projecting it, or diminishing it will still keep us in hell.
We are being asked to look at these episodes of attack as mistakes only to be corrected, and that is what forgiveness is in the Course. It is about complete release from our mistakes and doing the same for others by recognizing their innocence. But won't this exonerate them from the terrible deeds they have done? That is our fear, isn't it? And that is why we keep ourselves and others in this game of guilt. We think guilt keeps us and others from doing wrong, when, in fact, it just keeps us feeling guilty. Jesus reminds us we can't give the world what we don't have. "You cannot give what you do not have. A savior must be saved." (W.39.3.3-4) It is important to remember, the world is just a reflection of what is in our minds. Therefore, to see our brother's innocence is to know our own. Giving and receiving are the same. The world is saved when we are saved because it is just a projection of our own thoughts. When our thoughts are healed, there is no world to be saved.
Why does this seem so difficult for us to get? Clearly, he is saying we just don't get it. He says if we did, the Course would be very simple to us, and reading the introduction to the text would be all we would need. As complicated as the Course may sound to us now, it is actually our native tongue! What makes it difficult is only our unwillingness to understand, and this unwillingness is because our investment in the world and body and individuality is really important to us. In fact, we could say this investment is where we think our happiness lies.
To us, the state of guilt in which we live is what we accept as reality. Once we experience a state of defenselessness, all of a sudden something we did not understand in the Course becomes incredibly clear. It means we are no longer defending against it. When we bring this kind of healed perception to it, it resonates deeply with a new understanding. The ego creates clouds of complexity. By trying to put Course teaching into our ego framework to make sense of it, we are still trying to integrate the truth into the illusion. We need to be patient with ourselves as we learn this new language. We are still babies, and in this process we may experience some disorientation. Look at any disorientation that comes up as a sign of progress. It means we have released some of our attachment to the ego. The fear of the light, which we are so defended against, has now lifted somewhat.
Because of our defenses and our projections, we don't see the depth and horror of our own guilt. We have not recognized it is our own unloving thoughts that keep us in hell. We still think there are other reasons that make our lives difficult, whether it is our childhood difficulties, our relationship issues, other's attacks on us, our financial issues, or health problems. We just don't get that guilt is hell. We have learned to live with our guilt and manage it by defending against it. We don't really experience our guilt as hell. In fact, we are motivated to keep ourselves guilty. How do we know that? Because we hold onto the desire to attack just to prove we are not who God says we are. Instead we are trying to prove to ourselves we are really attacking, guilty sinners, whether we attack by thought, word or deed.
Jesus says God does not know unholiness. It would follow he does not know of this world, which is a world of unholiness, but he asks us to consider logically, "Can it be that He does not know His Son?" (W.39.4.6) God knows us only in our holiness as the Son, not this illusory separated self. We hate feeling guilty and do everything not to feel this way. We deny, project, make excuses, and make others responsible. We do anything we can to not feel guilty, but the only effective strategy is to watch our thoughts and bring them to the light of healing.
We are asked today to "search out your unloving thoughts in whatever form they appear; uneasiness, depression, anger, fear, worry, attack, insecurity and so on." (W.39.6.2) Any unloving thought, no matter how insignificant we think it to be, causes suffering and results in more guilt. Yet the guilt is not real. The truth is we are already holy and just don't know it. "My holiness is my salvation." (W.39) What we want to do is bring our unloving thoughts for healing, so we can be released from guilt and get in touch with our holiness, but how do we do this? We are given a process here to do the practice today. It is quite involved, so I will try to summarize the practice instructions as clearly as possible.
We have four longer practice periods today of five minutes each. We are encouraged to take a longer time for each beyond the five minutes. Remember the importance of doing the Lesson first thing in the morning and last thing at night. More rather than longer sessions are preferable.
Begin by repeating the idea to yourself. Then with closed eyes, search out your unloving thoughts in any form they appear (e.g., uneasiness, depression, anger, fear, worry, attack, insecurity, etc.). Make no exceptions and treat each thought the same. With each, say, "My unloving thoughts about _____are keeping me in hell. My holiness is my salvation." (W.39.8.3-4) The practice is about searching out your unloving thoughts and bringing them to the Holy Spirit. Intersperse the practice with several periods of just repeating the idea slowly, or relaxing and not thinking about anything. Also, you may want to vary the words for this idea as long as the meaning is maintained. (He knows sustained concentration may be difficult at this stage.)
Conclude by repeating the question, "If guilt is hell, what is its opposite?" (W.39.10.5) It is my holiness.
Use frequent reminders throughout the day with variations in the form as long as the content of the Lesson remains focused on forgiveness. When you are tempted by any unloving thought today, remind yourself your holiness is your salvation. Respond quickly to your ego's temptation to feel guilt and anger. It is much easier to change your mind with your first thought than when you get into a long story about the situation and justify your position.
Love and blessings, Sarah
