Think about your difficult people. When I ask class participants to state what makes people difficult, they go off on a long rant about:

• rude, critical know-it-alls, who don't cooperate
• aggressive shouters who intimidate with volume and negativity    
• chatty socializers who waste time and gossip
• story tellers/comedians who create distractions

I'm sure you know some of these and probably a few others. 

 

The key is to focus on why these behaviors cause you a problem, not getting to the root cause of the behavior. Difficult people act in ways that make it difficult for you to get your work done, and/or create an environment that is uncomfortable/unsafe. 

 

Many people come to my class to learn how to get rid of their difficult people or give them an attitude transplant. Those are difficult to do successfully. 

 

Instead, focus on reducing the negative impact of their behavior. It's much more likely to succeed, and if you do, presto! They stop becoming difficult, even if they don't change their behavior.

 

Abraham Lincoln once said: "Do I not eliminate my enemies when I make them my friends?"  

 

We don't need to become friends with these difficult people, but when we eliminate the negative impact, we eliminate difficult people. For example, we can learn to reinterpret their behavior, not take it personally (it's usually not meant as a personal attack), and learn to respond to them in ways they prefer. They'll keep doing their difficult thing, but by reframing and changing our response, we can greatly reduce the negative impact of their behaviors.

 

While it's hard to develop a thick skin and redirect people who talk too much, turns out that it's much easier than trying to change the other person!  

 

Start by identifying the actual behaviors of the difficult people. What is it that they do and say? Don't talk about their attitudes or intentions - you're not a mind reader. Talk about what you know and can observe directly - their behavior.

 

Then check out our difficult people blog for strategies on how to constructively confront and manage difficult people.