Once you finish judging, venting, expressing your thoughts, choose one of these thoughts, and ask yourself the four questions below. The point of this self-inquiry is not to change your mind. It is to increase your awareness.

Ask the questions. Go inside. Wait for information to surface.  

1. Is it true? (If no, go to question #3) 

2. Can I absolutely know that it is true?

3. How do I react, what happens to me and in me,  when I  believe that thought?

4. Who would I be, how would I be, what would my life look like, without that thought?     

 An example of this process might look something like this.   

"I don't like Amelia because she doesn't listen to me"  

Apply the Four questions.

Is it true? Yes. It is true. She doesn't listen to me. 

Can I absolutely know that it is true? Well, no. Maybe she is listening more than I give her credit for. I mean, sometimes I appear to be listening to people even when I am not.... So, maybe she is listening or at least half-listening.

How do I react, what happens to me, when I believe this thought? And, another follow up question: How do I treat her when I believe this thought? I feel slighted. Sometimes I talk louder or become more insistent, trying to get her to hear me. Other times, I shut down, and feel alienated from her and angry. And I often feel superior. My body feels contracted and I am uptight.  

Who would I be, how would I be, without thinking that thought?

I would be okay. I would feel grounded and calm. 

Take your original statement and turn it around in 2-3 different ways. 

1. Write it as if it were written about you.  

  Original thought: I don't like Amelia because she doesn't listen to me.

   Turnaround: I don't like myself because I don't listen to Amelia. I mean, after all, when Amelia is talking I am thinking (and judging) more about her not listening to me than actually listening to her.....in fact, I often don't listen so carefully to others.

  Another turnaround: I dislike myself when I  don't listen to myself. I get myself in trouble when I bypass myself and listen to others and their opinions and thoughts versus mine. 

2. Rewrite it in a way that it is about the other.    

   Turnaround:  Amelia may not like me when I don't listen carefully to her. There are times when she is driving me crazy talking about the same old issues.  

3. A third turnaround might be an opposite.   

   Turnaround: Amelia listens to me when it is important. I won't ever forget that time when I was so upset with my partner when he criticized me in front on his entire family and she was there every step of the way.   

Note: With each attempt at a turnaround, check in to see which one, if any, seems as true or truer than the original statement. Look for examples with each turnaround.  Look for thoughts that bring you peace or resonate with you in a deeper way.  For those of you who  try this process, you may find the turnaround difficult. I do.  If you go to Katie's website, you will be able to view her helping people with the turnaround, which is helpful and fascinating.