Our top recommendations to making sure that you both have a great visit
If your loved one has some type of dementia, you have realized by now that the challenges are great. Not only do you take on worrying about safety and health, you may also find that your regular interactions are not the same as they used to be. Dementia can look different for everyone, but a decrease in verbal skills and attention span is almost always apparent in those battling confusion and memory loss. These deficits, along with any aggressive behaviors, can make visiting your loved one stressful and even uncomfortable. We've put together a few of our favorite tips for family members who want to have meaningful interactions with their loved ones, but just don't know where to start.
Let go of the way it used to be.
Dementia is a progressive disease and most forms have no cure. Unfortunate
ly, your traditions or previous ways of interacting with your loved one are now in
th
e past. Take time to grieve this time together, the way it "used to be". If you are looking for ways to cope with this loss, find a local caregiver support group near you to talk through your concerns, and learn from your peers.
Set realistic expectations.
Your loved one might not be able to interact with you the way that she used to. Instead of hoping that your time together will be full of conversation and shared experiences, try to focus on setting realistic expectations for yourself before you even walk in the door. Depending on where your loved one's abilities are, you might hope to share a smile or a cup of coffee. You may choose to set your expectations that your conversation will include singing a few favorite songs or putting together a few more pieces of the jigsaw puzzle you have been working on together. Set your expectations to be based on the abilities of your loved one, and not necessarily on what you wish would happen.
Share a task.
If verbal skills are limited, or a shortened attention span prevents your love
d one from engaging in long conversations, sharing a task together can provide a meaningful moment for the two of you. Depending on what your loved one is interested in, come prepared with an idea or two (and supplies, if necessary) of something that you could do together during your visit. Snap green beans or shuck sweet corn at the kitchen table. Take a walk around the block or plant a flower in a pot. Draw a picture or sift through old photos. Dust, vacuum, or wash dishes. Sort buttons or crochet. Whatever you choose, do it together.
Time and conversation aren't always important.
You might find that you want to continue with a shared activity for longer than your loved one can handle. Instead of forcing the issue or making both of your frustrated, remember that time spent in an activity is not important. As long as you were able to share a meaningful moment together, the length of that moment is the least important thing. Follow the cues of your loved one and watch for signs of disinterest like anxiety, w
ringing hands, or wandering. Stop the activity and transition to something new.
Just as time loses importance in interacting with those with dementia, so does conversation. Word finding and small talk can be frustrating for those living with the disease. Instead of consistently focusing on lengthy conversation, realize that you can still have a meaningful interaction with limited conversation or none at all. In fact, sitting in silence and holding hands can often be a much more pleasant interaction for both of you than trying to talk about the routine of the day. Become comfortable with asking yes/no questions, with sitting in silence, with communicating with your body language, and with singing
.
Know when to ask for help.
Losing a traditional connection with a loved one due to dementia can be devastating and sad for both of you.
The Alzheimer's Association
and the
Alzheimer's Foundation
are great places to find resources and information that will educate and empower you for the journey ahead. If you are still struggling with how to connect with your loved one, try watching someone with more experience in the field. At
Visiting Angels
, our caregivers have been working with seniors with dementia for years. While we certainly know that not all people with dementia respond to the same types of interactions, we do have plenty of interventions and ideas to draw from. Surely we have quite a bit to teach you as well during our time with your loved one. We also know that you have something to teach us about your loved one.
Let's work together to bring meaning and pleasure back into your time together, and get rid of the worry and anxiety.
