Sarah's Commentary:

Our choice for our autonomy and independence has put us in competition with God. We believe we have won our autonomy from God, because now we believe we have our own separate will. Identifying with our own will and our own way seemingly kicks God out of His throne. Now there is no God in our experience. He had to be destroyed to put ourselves in the number one position. This thought is part of what we experience in the dream. Since we feel we gained at God's expense, we now try to gain at everyone else's expense, so we can be independent of everyone else and in competition with everyone. It is a world of trying to get what we can to fill our lacks that come about when we identify with the ego. It is a place of separation, neediness and lack reflected in our special relationships, whether of special love or special hate, where we experience bargaining, competition with each other and strife.

We think we like our independent position. We like to make our own decisions, although there is no such thing as making decisions alone, as we make them either with the ego or the Holy Spirit. Surrendering our decision process to the Holy Spirit seems challenging when we believe we lose something through surrender. How this shows up in our experience is when we challenge those in authority and try to gain through power struggles and manipulative strategies, but what have we really gained? All that is being reflected is our original struggle with God.

Jesus says there is a tremendous cost to us in "sickness, suffering and loss and death," (W.328.1.3) but, until we see this is the cost we are paying for our choice for the ego, we will continue to try to have our way. Yes, we have gained our kingdom, but Jesus says it is a sorry kingdom of nothing but suffering, limitation, powerlessness, loss, sickness and ultimately death. He tells us, "The devil deceives by lies, and builds kingdoms in which everything is in direct opposition to God." (T.3.VII.2.6)(ACIM OE T.3.IX.73) When we see what the results are, we call out for help and recognize there must be a better way. When we accept that God is the Cause and we are the Effect, then we reclaim first place, which is our Christ Self. In the Oneness, we recognize there is only Love.

 

In choosing the second place, we join with God's Will and "To join with His is but to find our own." (W.328.1.5) This puts us in a position where we are no longer in competition with His Will and recognize we will only gain our freedom and our happiness by recognizing how wrong we have been about everything. This is the beginning of the willingness to be taught. Our own will that we seem to exert daily does not even exist. In fact, this self we think we are is just a character in the dream. Indeed Jesus says, "This is not what our Father wills for us, nor is there any second will to His." (W.328.1.4) It is only the illusion of a separate will that we believe in and identify with. The character is just a projection of the mind and outside of the mind.

 

In our decision to release our will, we will know "It is Your Will that I be wholly safe, eternally at peace." (W.328.2.3) This is a process where we turn more and more to the Guide within. It requires that we recognize we can't know and we can't judge on our own. The mind that thinks it knows what it needs and wants and how to find it will not surrender because it seems like we lose when we surrender. It feels like we give something up. It may feel like some kind of submission to us, especially to us overly-independent types who have always prided ourselves on our self-reliance, but, as earlier Lessons tell us, the only thing we give up is our fear. The only thing we 'sacrifice' is illusion, which is nothing.

Anything I try to do my way, or anytime I think I know what is in my best interests, only brings more fear. As Jesus says, we really believe that maintaining our independence "is the way in which salvation is obtained." (W.328.1.2) We choose to be right rather than to be happy. We believe that we know best what will make us happy. Yet he again reminds us that the only way we will ever experience happiness is to recognize, "To join with His [Will] is but to find our own." (W.328.1.5) If we really want to experience joy, we need to choose the second place.

 

As we confront issues and problems in our lives, it is important to keep asking, "God, what is your Will for me in this situation?" "What would you have me do or say?" "Where would you have me go?" We happily choose to follow. We commit to our brothers and join with them, recognizing our same nature. We give up the fight. We release our grievances, and yes, it is a process.

A friend was telling me this morning that he has been whining and complaining a lot about his life and his status in the world. He was of the opinion that he was not gaining sufficiently the things he determined were his salvation in the world---a relationship, more money, a home of his own, etc. Yet in a moment of realization, when he stopped defining his own happiness, he saw that none of these things he thought he wanted ever brought him deep peace and joy. He was defining his best interests instead of asking what would best serve him. We get so focused on defining the way things should be that we fail to see the perfection in the way they are, and thus we can be grateful that Thy Will, not my will, be done.

Anytime we want anything, we suffer. When we want things to be different than they are, we are expressing our inner sense of lack and loss. Recognizing what does not matter, and nothing does, is the key to happiness. When we hold grievances, we are demanding that life be different than it is. We even have grievances about the weather, which is not warm enough, cool enough, nor humid enough. It is all about our agendas for how things must be for us to be happy. There is nothing that has to happen for us to open up to God's Will in our lives and His Will is only for our happiness. There is no book that has to be written. There is no building that has to be built. There is no place we have to visit. There is nobody in our lives that has to do anything. There is nothing that has to be different than it is, and there are no demands or expectations of anyone. There is only surrender to God's Will by turning to Him for guidance. My experience is that when I truly let go of my perceived needs and expectations, the miracle can shine forth. Now anything can happen and it becomes an amazing gift when we get out of our own way.

Eventually, we are all brought to our knees one way or another. If this does not happen dramatically, then it happens in small doses of ever-increasing sense of malaise. "What is it all for?" we ask. Not until then do we seem to have some willingness to find another way. The Bible also talks about this in Mathew when the disciples leave everything to follow Jesus. Jesus tells them, the first will be last and the last first. In other words, he is saying that to follow him and join with him may look like last place, but in fact it is to gain the first place. "Not my will but Thine" are the words of humility. Yet the irony is that His Will is our true will. Our own false will that wants to exalt itself above God's is an alien will.

We enter the kingdom as little children. We acknowledge we don't know. We ask in everything, but who are we listening to? How do we hear the prompts of the Holy Spirit? How do we know which are which? It takes great discernment and a willingness to question our motivations. Clearly, we have become confused about where our guidance is coming from. It is a good start to do these things. One is to ask in everything and the second is to keep acknowledging that we don't know and be willing to surrender. Finally, we take the time in deep listening, confident that He hears and answers all of our prayers, remembering that when we pray for things of the ego, we ask for nothing. Today, we are asked to realize that by choosing second place, which is to choose to follow God's Will, we are actually gaining the first place. This is the place where we join with the power of His Will, which is our own true will, where we know ourselves as one with Him.

   

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IV. The Real Alternative