Know that people say and do things for a reason. If they come up against our judgment either they shut down, or come out fighting. Stay curious. Keep your mind and heart open rather than shut. Play with asking a special someone, "I am curious as to what/why you did that. I really want to understand." And genuinely want to understand in your heart.
About Beverley Pugh
"Every joy is gain. And gain is gain, however small."
- Robert Browning
Beverley has been a practicing counsellor for over 30 years. She has worked extensively in Canada, Australia, Japan, and Thailand. Beverley currently has a full-time practice on the North Shore. Beverley has a highly intuitive ability to help people uproot core issues that are holding them back from moving forward to where they want to be in terms of their own self-growth. She works extensively with couples and families and individuals with numerous presenting issues.
"Curiosity opens our minds and our hearts. Judgement closes the mind and the heart." ~ Beverley Pugh
I am passionate about relationship counselling. I'd like to share with you what I have seen that is helpful for people who want to bring more connection and harmony into their relationships. Let's begin by looking at how we talk to one another. In all the relationship counselling I have done over the years, I see one pattern that is very common. Many people have a tendency to make the other person wrong. I often hear that if the other person were different, everything would be ok. The general feeling is one of blame and judgement.
If you have a relationship that is important to you and you want to strengthen it,
find a way of talking to that person that honours yourself, honours them, and honours the relationship. I have never seen relationships or people grow when blame and judgement are the way of communicating. There may be a temporary change or a reactive change, but not true growth. If you want consistent, healthy dynamics in your relationship, it is important to look at how you communicate with the other person.
Curiosity Strengthened My Relationship with My Daughter
By Susan
I have a daughter who was driving me crazy. We fought more than we talked.
It took Bev working with me with her "hammer" for me to begin to talk differently with my daughter. I found it helpful for both of us to have counselling together. Somehow, I never felt that Bev took sides. Both of us were challenged, but neither felt stupid or judged.
One day I asked her how she did that and she said she
always listened to understand. She did that through curiosity. I never forgot that!! I have found it extremely helpful in all of my relationships since then. These days my daughter and I get along much better.
Learning to use curiosity, rather than judgement, helped us to turn our relationship around. It really works!
