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LESSON 135 MAY 15 FRIDAY
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Daily Lesson 135
Sarah's Reflections
TEXT CH 12, 10-22
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Course in Miracles Society (CIMS) is an international group of Course students and teachers organized to discover, authenticate and propagate the Divine Teachings of A Course in Miracles.

 

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A COURSE IN MIRACLES
CH 12 "THE PROBLEM OF GUILT"
III. THE FEAR OF REDEMPTION
 

Your fear of attack is nothing compared to your fear of love. You would be willing to look even upon your savage wish to kill God's Son if you did not believe that it saves you from love. For this wish caused the separation. You have protected it because you do not want the separation healed, and you realize that, by removing the dark cloud that obscures it, your love for your Father would impel you to answer His call and leap into Heaven. You believe that attack is salvation to prevent you from this. For still deeper than the ego's foundation, and much stronger than it will ever be, is your intense and burning love of God, and His for you. This is what you really want to hide.

 

ACIM OE CH 12, 12  

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 L e s s o n 135
If I defend myself, I am attacked.

 
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   Who would defend himself unless he thought

   he was attacked, that the attack is real,

   and that his own defense can save himself?

   And herein lies the folly of defense;

   it gives illusions full reality,

   and then attempts to handle them as real.

   It adds illusions to illusions, thus

   making correction doubly difficult.

 

   And it is this you do when you attempt

   to plan the future, activate the past,

   or organize the present as you wish.|

   You operate from the belief you must

   protect yourself from what is happening,

   because it must contain what threatens you.

   A sense of threat is an acknowledgment

   of an inherent weakness; a belief

   that there is danger which has power to call

   on you to make appropriate defense.

 

   The world is based on this insane belief.

   And all its structures, all its thoughts and doubts,

   its penalties and heavy armaments,

   its legal definitions and its codes,

   its ethics and its leaders and its gods,

   all serve but to preserve its sense of threat.

   For no one walks the world in armature

   but must have terror striking at his heart.|

 

   Defense is frightening. It stems from fear,

   increasing fear as each defense is made.

   You think it offers safety. Yet it speaks

   of fear made real and terror justified.

   Is it not strange you do not pause to ask,

   as you elaborate your plans and make

   your armor thicker and your locks more tight,

   what you defend, and how, and against what?|

 

   Let us consider first what you defend.

   It must be something that is very weak

   and easily assaulted. It must be

   something made easy prey, unable to

   protect itself, and needing your defense.

   What but the body has such frailty

   that constant care and watchful, deep concern

   are needful to protect its little life?

   What but the body falters and must fail

   to serve the Son of God as worthy host?|

 

   Yet it is not the body that can fear,

   nor be a thing to fear. It has no needs

   but those which you assign to it. It needs

   no complicated structures of defense,

   no health-inducing medicine, no care

   and no concern at all. Defend its life,

   or give it gifts to make it beautiful

   or walls to make it safe, and you but say

   your home is open to the thief of time,

   corruptible and crumbling, so unsafe

   it must be guarded with your very life.|

 

   Is not this picture fearful? Can you be

   at peace with such a concept of your home?

   Yet what endowed the body with the right

   to serve you thus except your own belief?

   It is your mind which gave the body all

   the functions that you see in it, and set

   its value far beyond a little pile

   of dust and water. Who would make defense

   of something that he recognized as this?|

 

   The body is in need of no defense.

   This cannot be too often emphasized.

   It will be strong and healthy if the mind

   does not abuse it by assigning it

   to roles it cannot fill, to purposes

   beyond its scope, and to exalted aims

   which it cannot accomplish. Such attempts,

   ridiculous yet deeply cherished, are

   the sources for the many mad attacks

   you make upon it. For it seems to fail

   your hopes, your needs, your values and your dreams.|

 

   The "self" that needs protection is not real.

   The body, valueless and hardly worth

   the least defense, need merely be perceived

   as quite apart from you, and it becomes

   a healthy, serviceable instrument

   through which the mind can operate until

   its usefulness is over. Who would want

   to keep it when its usefulness is done?|

 

   Defend the body, and you have attacked

   your mind. For you have seen in it the faults,

   the weaknesses, the limits and the lacks

   from which you think the body must be saved.

   You will not see the mind as separate

   from bodily conditions. And you will

   impose upon the body all the pain

   that comes from the conception of the mind

   as limited and fragile and apart

   from other minds and separate from its Source.|

 

   These are the thoughts in need of healing, and

   the body will respond with health when they

   have been corrected and replaced with truth.

   This is the body's only real defense.

   Yet is this where you look for its defense?

   You offer it protection of a kind

   from which it gains no benefit at all,

   but merely adds to your distress of mind.

   You do not heal, but merely take away

   the hope of healing. For you fail to see

   where hope must lie if it be meaningful.|

 

   A healed mind does not plan. It carries out

   the plans which it receives through listening

   to wisdom that is not its own. It waits

   until it has been taught what should be done,

   and then proceeds to do it. It does not

   depend upon itself for anything

   except its adequacy to fulfill

   the plans assigned to it. It is secure

   in certainty that obstacles can not

   impede its progress to accomplishment

   of any goal which serves the greater plan

   established for the good of everyone.|

 

   A healed mind is relieved from the belief

   that it must plan, although it cannot know

   the outcome that is best, the means by which

   it is achieved, nor how to recognize

   the problem which the plan is made to solve.

   It must misuse the body in its plans

   until it recognizes this is so.

   But when it has accepted this as true,

   then is it healed, and lets the body go.|

 

   Enslavement of the body to the plans

   the unhealed mind sets up to save itself

   must make the body sick. It is not free

   to be a means of helping in a plan

   which far exceeds its own protection, and

   which needs its service for a little while.

   In this capacity is health assured.

   For everything the mind employs for this

   will function flawlessly, and with the strength

   that has been given it, and cannot fail.|

 

   It is, perhaps, not easy to perceive

   that self-initiated plans are but

   defenses, with the purpose all of them

   were made to realize. They are the means

   by which a frightened mind would undertake

   its own protection at the cost of truth.

   This is not difficult to recognize

   in some forms which these self-deceptions take,

   for the denial of reality

   is very obvious. Yet planning is

   not often recognized as a defense.|

 

   The mind engaged in planning for itself

   is occupied in setting up control

   of future happenings. It does not think

   that it will be provided for unless

   it makes its own provisions. Time becomes

   a future emphasis, to be controlled

   by learning and experience obtained

   from past events and previous beliefs.

   It overlooks the present, for it rests

   on the idea the past has taught enough

   to let the mind direct its future course.|

 

   The mind that plans is thus refusing to

   allow for change. What it has learned before

   becomes the basis for its future goals.

   Its past experience directs its choice

   of what will happen. And it does not see

   that here and now is everything it needs

   to guarantee a future quite unlike

   the past, without a continuity

   of any old ideas and sick beliefs.

   Anticipation plays no part at all,

   for present confidence directs the way.|

 

   Defenses are the plans you undertake

   to make against the truth. Their aim is to

   select what you approve, and disregard

   what you regard as incompatible

   with your belief of your reality.

   Yet what remains is meaningless indeed.

   For it is your reality which is

   the "threat" that your defenses would attack,

   obscure, and take apart and crucify.|

 

   What could you not accept, if you but knew

   that everything that happens, all events,

   past, present and to come, are gently planned

   by One Whose only purpose is your good?

   Perhaps you have misunderstood His plan,

   for He would never offer pain to you.

   But your defenses did not let you see

   His loving blessing shine in every step

   you ever took. While you made plans for death,

   He led you gently to Eternal Life.|

 

   Your present trust in Him is the defense

   which promises a future undisturbed,

   without a trace of sorrow, and with joy

   which constantly increases as this life

   becomes a holy instant, set in time,

   but heeding only immortality.

   Let no defenses but this present trust

   direct the future, and this life becomes

   a meaningful encounter with the truth

   that only your defenses would conceal.|

 

   Without defenses, you become a light

   which Heaven gratefully acknowledges

   to be its own. And it will lead you on

   in ways appointed for your happiness

   according to the ancient plan, begun

   when time was born. Your followers will join

   their light with yours, and it will be increased

   until the world is lighted up with joy.

   And gladly will our brothers lay aside

   their cumbersome defenses which availed

   them nothing, and could only terrify.|

 

   We will anticipate that time today

   with present confidence, for this is part

   of what was planned for us. We will be sure

   that everything we need is given us

   for our accomplishment of this today.

   We make no plans for how it will be done,

   but realize that our defenselessness

   is all that is required for the truth

   to dawn upon our minds with certainty.|

 

   For fifteen minutes twice today we rest

   from senseless planning, and from every thought

   which blocks the truth from entering our minds.

   Today we will receive instead of plan,

   that we may give instead of organize.

   And we are given truly, as we say:

 

   " If I defend myself I am attacked.

    But in defenselessness I will be strong,

    for I would learn what my defenses hide."|

 

   Nothing but that. If there are plans to make,

   you will be told of them. They may not be

   the plans you thought were needed, nor indeed

   the answers to the problems which you thought

   confronted you. But they are answers to

   another kind of question, which remains

   unanswered yet in need of answering

   until the Answer comes to you at last.|

    

   All your defenses have been aimed at not

   receiving what you will receive today.

   And in the light and joy of simple truth

   you will but wonder why you ever thought

   that you must be defended from release.

   Heaven asks nothing. It is hell that makes

   extravagant demands for sacrifice.

   You give up nothing in these times today

   when undefended you present yourself

   to your Creator as you really are.|

 

   He has remembered you. Today we will

   remember Him. For this is Eastertime

   in your salvation. And you rise again

   from what was seeming death and hopelessness.

   Now is the light of hope reborn in you,

   for now you come without defense to learn

   the part for you within the plan of God.

   What little plans or magical beliefs

   can still have value, when you have received

   your function from the Voice of God Himself?|

 

   Try not to shape this day as you believe

   would benefit you most. For you can not

   conceive of all the happiness that comes

   to you without your planning. Learn today.

   And all the world will take this giant stride,

   and celebrate your Eastertime with you.

   Throughout the day, as foolish little things

   appear to raise defensiveness in you

   and tempt you to engage in weaving plans,

   remind yourself this is a special day

   for learning, and acknowledge it with this:

 

   " This is my Eastertime. And I would keep

    it holy. I will not defend myself

    because the Son of God needs no defense

    against the truth of his Reality."

 

          ~ Original Handscript of ACIM  
 

ACIM OE WORKBOOK LESSON 135     

 
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LESSON 135
If I defend myself, I am attacked.
       
Sarah's Commentary:

We all have our favorite Lessons that seem to resonate more deeply at different times in our lives. For me, this one has been very meaningful. What really resonates for me in this Lesson are the words: " What could you not accept, if you but knew that everything that happens, all events, past, present and to come, are gently planned by One Whose only purpose is your good?" (W.135.18.1) What could we not accept? What would we be concerned about? Where would be all the worries, and the plans that we put in place to keep us from the threats that we think are there? Initially, I misunderstood this line. It is not meant to say that the Holy Spirit has specific plans for us as individuals. His plan is only that we accept our healing. It is the plan of the Atonement that we might use every experience in this world for awakening from this dream. That is the only purpose for this world, which is a classroom for awakening from the ego's plan to make sin and guilt real. Everything we have made and that we attract, and all of the events of our lives can be used by the Holy Spirit to correct the ego's plan for salvation. Thus, everything in our world can be used for the purpose of forgiveness and for the acceptance of the Holy Spirit's plan for our salvation on behalf of our happiness.
 
This is another one of the " giant stride" (W.135.26.4) Lessons, meaning that it is a very important one where we can make tremendous gains, if we commit to the practice. As was said in the Lesson yesterday, we have the same process described here, where the ego's plan is to project our guilt as a result of separation from God, make up a body and a world, where we can escape from His perceived punishment, and make up problems requiring us to devise plans and defenses to protect ourselves. This is to keep us from recognizing that there is only one problem: the belief that we have sinned and we are now guilty. Thus, the answer to every problem is to bring the guilt we see in others back to our own minds and ask to see the situation differently.
 
Much of our time, we spend planning our days and strategizing how to deal with situations, events, and people in our lives, motivated by the belief that we need to protect ourselves and to defend our 'interests.' It is all predicated on the belief that we are bodies and thus see ourselves as very physically and psychologically vulnerable. This is the way of the world, where we seem to have all kinds of problems and then we design plans or defenses to protect us from those problems that we see outside of ourselves. What is happening here is that, if we need a defense, it means that we are actually living in a state of fear. This is an attack on who we are as invulnerable spiritual beings. We are believing that we are alone, separate, vulnerable, and, as a result, in fear. " A sense of threat is an acknowledgement of an inherent weakness." (W.135.2.2)
 
When we are unwilling to look at our guilt and bring it for healing, it is projected out and now others are seen as guilty sinners. The way the ego has set it up is that we now see the guilt in everyone else and they become the attackers, which then justifies our own defense. The defense we put up, and the plans we make to keep ourselves safe, are all about fixing something in the world, when the problem is in our minds. And if the problem is only in our minds, and not in the world, then that is where the correction must be made. That is why Jesus reminds us, " If I defend myself I am attacked. But in defenselessness I will be strong, and I will learn what my defenses hide." (W.135.22.4-5) Of course, our defenses hide the truth from us. Now we can go back to the mind to correct our wrong perceptions there, so that the truth that is in our minds can be revealed. We have denied it with our defenses, but if we want to know the truth, it will be revealed.
 
We live in a world that continually reminds us of our vulnerability and the threat that is everywhere, whether it is war, SARS, mold, fleas, terrorists, courts, home invasions, rules, ethics, taxes, drought, poverty, war, politics, religion,  etc. Everything in the world seems to remind us of the continual threat we are under. So we live in terror and are reminded of this every time we lock the door, every time we put on our seat-belts, each time we take a vitamin, every bill we pay, and yes, every plan we make. That may seem like a strange idea, that setting up defenses and planning are both the same as self-attack. How is that? Well, they are the same when we set up a defense that we believe will save us, and protect us. And they are the same, when we develop a plan to mitigate future threat and keep us in control to manage future contingencies. Yet the only threat is our belief that we are vulnerable. While the purpose of defenses is to protect us from fear, all they do is reinforce our sense of vulnerability, which justifies the need for the defense. In other words, as Jesus says in the Course, " It is essential to realize that all defenses do what they would defend." (T.17.IV.7.1)(ACIM OE T.17.V.33)
 
Are we to just stop buying insurance, locking our doors, putting on our seat-belts, taking our vitamins, taking medicine when we are sick, enjoying our comforts, and planning our events? Clearly no. That would just be changing the forms (behaviors), while our minds are still believing in guilt and attack. To us, the world is a threatening place because we identify with our bodies, our personalities and still see the world as real. We see it acting on us and believe we need protection. The truth is that we made the world for exactly that purpose so we could run away from our guilt and see our own secret self-accusation in someone else. Until the undoing of our mistaken identities is undertaken through true forgiveness, we will feel a need to defend and protect ourselves. The idea is not to give up all the forms of self-protection and planning in which we engage. However we are urged to use the situations that show up, where we plan and defend ourselves, to turn away from the ego by looking at what we are thinking and bring our defenses to our awareness so they can be brought to truth. All of our efforts at our self-protection with our defenses will not bring us the peace of God nor true consistent happiness. The guilt is buried in our minds so we are not conscious of it and have no memory of the original terror. It came about as a result of our decision to choose the ego and separate from God. All we see is what our eyes show us and our brains interpret. Whenever we feel threatened and vulnerable, we are being called to go back into the mind and bring the vulnerabilities and fears to the Holy Spirit and look at them with Him, so that we can release this untrue experience of the illusory self that we have made.

We are learning, through the Course, what the thought system of the ego that we have adopted looks like, so that we can start the process of looking at it and recognizing that it has no reality in truth. Jesus is reminding us over and over that we have made a mistake about who we think we are. The mistake is that we think we are bodies living in the world. And everyone here is making the same mistake, which means we are all living with the terror of what we believe that we have done in attacking God. Of course, this is only a belief in our minds as we have done nothing. The guilt is all a made-up belief. We continue to be innocent, but we no longer believe that that is the case. We no longer believe that we are whole, complete, innocent and never left God. The Atonement Principle assures us that we can't leave God. Our reality is still spirit. Our experience here is of a false self. Jesus calls it a parody of our glorious self and he is waiting for our decision to do the work that is needed in order to undo the beliefs we now hold. What this requires is that we look at all the values and beliefs and question every one of them. That is the purpose of these Lessons. When we begin to understand why we chose to identify with this false self and look at how we try to protect this image, which is a  caricature of our true Self, we can start to question it.

Jesus tells us that the mind abuses the body by, " assigning it to roles it cannot fill, to purposes beyond its scope, and to exalted aims which it cannot accomplish. Such attempts, ridiculous yet deeply cherished, are the sources for the many mad attacks you make upon it. For it seems to fail your hopes, your needs, your values and your dreams." (W.135.7.3-5) In other words, we assign the body responsibility to meet our needs and to undertake what we assign it to do that we consider important and valuable in achieving our dreams. The body can't carry the burden assigned to it and it will fail, thus inviting the mind to attack it for its shortcomings. Jesus tells us that, if this were not the case, the body would be strong and healthy. So the body lets us down by not delivering the things we want and thus we attack it. What we are doing is equating the mind with the body that makes us suffer and feel vulnerable. The body will grow old and deteriorate. When our focus is on the mind, through forgiveness, peace can permeate our experience here. The reality is that the mind is actually outside of the body. We equate the mind with the brain, which is not the case. And as long as we think we are a body, defenses will be required of its nothingness. Yet the problem remains in the mind, where the guilt and fear reside, which too are nothing. In choosing sanity, the nothingness of guilt and fear dissolve. When we are upset, miserable, and angry, our body suffers the consequences of those thoughts and feelings. Thus, there is a cost to us of holding onto the ego thought system and in fact, it will eventually make the body sick. When we don't see the mind as separate from bodily conditions, we " impose upon the body all the pain that comes from the conception of the mind as limited and fragile, and apart from other minds and separate from its Source." (W.135.9.4)
 
Thus, it is only the mind that is misguided, having assigned roles and functions to the body that it can't fulfill. So once again, we are reminded that we need to heal our minds by withdrawing our identification with the body. We don't do this by denying the body, but only by watching our mistaken thoughts about it. Jesus tells us that the body would be healthy, if the mind did not place expectations on it. While we have given the body purposes it can't achieve, it can now be put to a different purpose.

Purpose is everything in the Course teaching. We only have two choices. We can put the body to the purpose of the ego or to that of the Holy Spirit. Thus, the body is just a useful instrument to be used for a time, and when it is no longer useful, " who would want to keep it." (W.135.8.3) The body is valueless and needs no defense, when we realize that it is simply a tool for the mind to learn the Lesson that we are not these bodies. We are asked to let the body be used in the service of the Holy Spirit's plan, which is established for the good of everyone. Thus, the body functions flawlessly. That does not mean that, in form, the body may not be sick, but the form no longer matters. What matters is where the mind is. It can all be used by the Holy Spirit for forgiveness. All forgiveness is is stepping back and looking with the Holy Spirit on the ego thought system. This is a gradual process. Allow yourself to step back and smile without berating yourselves for your perception of lack of progress.
 
While we seem to be in this world, there are plans to be made. We can make them with the ego or the Holy Spirit. Jesus is telling us that just because: " A healed mind does not plan," (W.135.11.1) it does not mean that it does not follow a plan. That is what we are here to practice, to follow His plan of forgiveness. Through mind-watching and releasing our misperceptions to the Holy Spirit, our minds are being cleared of obstacles to love. This allows us to listen more clearly to the guidance of the Holy Spirit and follow Him. It takes practice, but it is of tremendous value to us to take the time to release our attachment to our planning and trust in His plans for us. " For you can not conceive of all the happiness that comes to you without your planning." (W.135.26.2)
 
Some of us may complain that we do not hear guidance. Yet we do get prompts, when we stop long enough to connect with our intuition and get out of our own way. We've all had these experiences where we are prompted to call someone, go somewhere, say something to someone, only to see that we were exactly where we needed to be and doing exactly what we needed to be doing. Connecting with our prompts and trusting that all is exactly as it needs to be for our healing relieves all suffering. When we ask, we may be putting questions to the Holy Spirit that are very specific, which is the arrogance of the ego thinking it knows what the problem is. For example, I may be asking for healing for my body. But that assumes that I know that that is what is needed. It may be more valuable to ask to see the situation differently, or to help bring peace to my mind in this situation. As Jesus reminds us, a healed mind knows nothing and is grateful that this is so. " A healed mind is relieved of the belief that it must plan, although it cannot know the outcome which is best, the means by which it is achieved, nor how to recognize the problem that the plan is made to solve." (W.135.12.1)
 
When we learn to accept everything and forgive, we can live in the flow of our being, knowing that everything is for our highest good, and yes, even those things that don't feel good to the ego. The thing the ego resists most is change. Our plans are actually a defense against change. We are defending against our reality. " The mind engaged in planning for itself is occupied in setting up control of future happenings." (W.135.15.1) Thus, we overlook the present, which is where our reality is and what we are so afraid of. All of our planning is to affirm that we are bodies. " For it is your reality that is the 'threat' which your defenses would attack, obscure, and take apart and crucify." (W.135.17.4) So can you see that all of our planning is to keep our identity as a body in place, to keep change away from us and thus to keep the truth about ourselves at bay? That is why the undoing of the ego thought system takes time, because we defend against this pull for God that is in us.
 
Everything is built on trust and confidence in the Holy Spirit. When we plan for ourselves, we are defending against His plan, and we do that because of fear of change and fear of our reality. Now we are on a path of increasingly trusting His guidance and stepping back long enough to listen and to follow. When we do this, our lives become divinely inspired, where we inspire others by lighting the way for them. We walk in trust and confidence that everything will be provided and " realize that our defenselessness is all that is required for the truth to dawn upon our minds with certainty." (W.135.21.3)
 
Sometimes, when I feel that my progress with this teaching is slow, I look back on my life in terms of development of trust and see tremendous evidence of how increasingly I have taken my hands off of the steering wheel of my own life, increasingly recognizing that all my planning is based on my identity with the body and fear of change. As I open to the Holy Spirit and as that experience becomes more real for me, I see that there truly is opportunity in this classroom with everything that seems to happen to let go of my way and allow guidance to show me His plan for Atonement. He simply reminds us that truth is true and that illusion is false. He invites us to see the false as false. He reminds us that nothing has happened. We are simply dreaming. We experience ourselves as living in a world of time and space, but in the holy instant we have the experience of leaving the world of time and space and connecting with Spirit. When we return from that experience, we carry with us the light that is in the mind that we have lost touch with.

In the Manual for Teachers: "Development of Trust," this process of undoing is laid out and is helpful to read. It is helpful in realizing that the world is governed by a power that keeps all things safe, and " When this p ower has once been experienced, it is impossible to trust one's own petty strength again." (M.4.I.2.1)(ACIM OE M.4.4) We relax into the flow of His Love and know that we can count on Him in all so-called emergencies as well as tranquil times.
 
Today, let us step back and let Him lead the way, and " Try not to shape this day as you believe would benefit you most." (W.135.26.1) Our happiness can only come from remembering the truth about ourselves and opening to His plans, where the body is simply an instrument to carry them out. Thus, its health is guaranteed.
 
There is so much in this Lesson and it is impossible to comment on all of it, but it is so encouraging in so many respects. It is reminding us that we are not bodies and we cannot die. " Now is the light of hope reborn in you, for now you come without defense, to learn the part for you within the plan of God." (W.135.25.5) We realize the truth about ourselves as eternal beings. We have an important function in offering healing to the world through our own healing. With it comes happiness. " Throughout the day, as foolish little things appear to raise defensiveness in you and tempt you to engage in weaving plans, remind yourself this is a special day for learning, and acknowledge it with this: This is my Easter time. [My resurrection] And I would keep it holy. I will not defend myself, because the Son of God needs no defense against the truth of his reality." (W.135.25.6-8)
 
Love and blessings, Sarah

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A Course in Miracles 

 

Chapter Twelve

III. The Fear of Redemption                        

10 You may wonder why it is so crucial that you look upon your hatred and realize its full extent. You may also think that it would be easy enough for the Holy Spirit to show it to you and dispel it, without the need for you to raise it to awareness yourself. Yet there is one more complication which you have interposed between yourself and the Atonement, which you do not yet realize. We have said that no one will countenance fear if he recognizes it. Yet in your disordered state, you are not afraid of fear. You do not like it, but it is not your desire to attack which really frightens you. You are not seriously disturbed by your hostility. You keep it hidden because you are more afraid of what it covers.

 

11 You could look even upon the ego's darkest cornerstone without fear if you did not believe that, without the ego, you would find within yourself something you fear even more. You are not afraid of crucifixion. Your real terror is of redemption. Under the ego's dark foundation is the memory of God, and it is of this that you are really afraid. For this memory would instantly restore you to your proper place, and it is this place that you have sought to leave.

 

12 Your fear of attack is nothing compared to your fear of love. You would be willing to look even upon your savage wish to kill God's Son if you did not believe that it saves you from love. For this wish caused the separation. You have protected it because you do not want the separation healed, and you realize that, by removing the dark cloud that obscures it, your love for your Father would impel you to answer His call and leap into Heaven. You believe that attack is salvation to prevent you from this. For still deeper than the ego's foundation, and much stronger than it will ever be, is your intense and burning love of God, and His for you. This is what you really want to hide.

 

13 In honesty, is it not harder for you to say "I love" than "I hate"? You associate love with weakness and hatred with strength, and your own real power seems to you as your real weakness. For you could not control your joyous response to the call of love if you heard it, and the whole world you think you control would vanish. The Holy Spirit, then, seems to be attacking your fortress, for you would shut out God, and He does not will to be excluded.

 

14 You have built your whole insane belief system because you think you would be helpless in God's Presence, and you would save yourself from His love because you think it would crush you into nothingness. You are afraid it would sweep you away from yourself and make you little. For you believe that magnitude lies in defiance and that attack is grandeur. You think you have made a world which God would destroy; and by loving Him, which you do, you would throw this world away, which you would. Therefore, you have used the world to cover your love, and the deeper you go into the blackness of the ego's foundation, the closer you come to the love that is hidden there. And it is this that frightens you.

 

15 You can accept insanity because you made it, but you cannot accept love because you did not. You would rather be slaves of the crucifixion than Sons of God in redemption. For your individual death is more valued than your living oneness, and what is given you is not so dear as what you made. You are more afraid of God than of the ego, and love cannot enter where it is not welcome. But hatred can, for it enters of its will and cares not for yours.

 

16 The reason you must look upon your delusions and not keep them hidden is that they do not rest on their own foundation. In concealment they appear to do so, and thus they seem to be self-sustained. This is the fundamental illusion on which they rest. For beneath them and concealed as long as they are hidden is the loving mind that thought it made them in anger. And the pain in this mind is so apparent when it is uncovered that its need of healing cannot be denied. Not all the tricks and games you offer it can heal it, for here is the real crucifixion of God's Son.

 

17 And yet he is not crucified. Here is both his pain and his healing, for the Holy Spirit's vision is merciful, and His remedy is quick. Do not hide suffering from His sight, but bring it gladly to Him. Lay before His eternal sanity all your hurt, and let Him heal you. Do not leave any spot of pain hidden from His light, and search your minds carefully for any thoughts which you may fear to uncover. For He will heal every little thought which you have kept to hurt you and cleanse it of its littleness, restoring it to the magnitude of God.

 

18 Beneath all your grandiosity, which you hold so dear, is your real call for help. For you call for love to your Father as your Father calls you to Himself. In that place which you have hidden, you will only to unite with the Father in loving remembrance of Him. You will find this place of truth as you see it in your brothers, for though they may deceive themselves, like you they long for the grandeur that is in them. And perceiving it you will welcome it, and it will be yours. For grandeur is the right of God's Son, and no illusions can satisfy him or save him from what he is. Only his love is real, and he will be content only with his reality.

 

19 Save him from his illusions that you may accept the magnitude of your Father in peace and joy. But exempt no one from your love, or you will be hiding a dark place in your mind where the Holy Spirit is not welcome. And you will exempt yourself from His healing power, for by not offering total love, you will not be healed completely. Healing must be as complete as fear, for love cannot enter where there is one spot of fear to mar its welcome.

 

20 You who prefer specialness to sanity could not obtain it in your right minds. You were at peace until you asked for special favor. And God did not give it, for the request was alien to Him, and you could not ask this of a Father Who truly loved His Son. Therefore you made of Him an unloving father, demanding of Him what only such a father could give. And the peace of God's Son was shattered, for he no longer understood his Father. He feared what he had made, but still more did he fear his real Father, having attacked his own glorious equality with Him.

 

21 In peace he needed nothing and asked for nothing. In war he demanded everything and found nothing. For how could the gentleness of love respond to his demands except by departing in peace and returning to the Father? If the Son did not wish to remain in peace, he could not remain at all. For a darkened mind cannot live in the light, and it must seek a place of darkness where it can believe it is where it is not. God did not allow this to happen. Yet you demanded that it happen and therefore believed that it was so.

 

22 To "single out" is to "make alone" and thus make lonely. God did not do this to you. Could He set you apart, knowing that your peace lies in His Oneness? He denied you only your request for pain, for suffering is not of His creation. Having given you creation, He could not take it from you. He could but answer your insane request with a sane answer which would abide with you in your insanity. [And this He did. No one who hears His answer but will give up insanity.] For His answer is the reference point beyond illusions from which you can look back on them and see them as insane. But seek this place, and you will find it, for love is in you and will lead you there.

 

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