Where a child runs into social difficulty is when he or she forgets, or doesn't realize, that not everyone shares the same awesome.  He or she may not be able to read the signals that the person he or she is talking to has lost interest. Sometimes that person may nod and say "uh-huh" or "yup" and the child misses the tone of voice or facial expression that indicates they are done with the topic and takes these statements as a sign of continued interest.

James was talking to one of the teen helpers at one of our centers last week.  He was explaining all kinds of things to Miss Kate about front loaders versus top loaders.  He was telling her about the different features as well as the cycles.  Miss Kate was producing those polite signals of "uh-huh" and "yup" and James was missing the cues.  I politely stopped him for a moment and said, "James, I have a question for you.  Based on what you might know about teenage girls, how interested do you think Miss Kate is in this topic?"  James thought about for a moment and responded, "About 10%."  I said, "I think that's a really good guesstimate of interest.  Do you think you've given Miss Kate less than 10%, just about 10%, or more than 10%?"  James replied, "Oh, waaaayyyy more than 10%."  I said, "I think so too.  So based on what you know about teenage girls, what could you do next?"  James said, "I could change the subject or ask her a question about what she likes to do."  And he did.

It is important for us to celebrate specialties and "awesomes."  It is also important for us to help a child to become a little bit more of a generalist in every day conversations and for the child to think about and know his or her audience.  A great way for a child to learn to tease this out is to ask questions to gauge interest before beginning a conversation about his or her favorite topic.  For example, a child who is into Star Wars™ could ask, "Do you like Star Wars?  Do you like it a lot or just a little?" By checking in first, they will know to adjust how much they should talk about that topic.  James, who's specialty is much more unique for a child, may have an easier time saving this particular topic for when he's visiting with family, doing a report for school or taking field trips to chat with appliance salespeople at appliance stores and trade shows.