Take a minute to reflect. When something goes wrong in your life, do you tend to bounce back or fall apart?  Do you dwell on problems and often feel victimized or do you find a way to muster up the inner strength to cope and move on?

Now think about your child's typical behavior when faced with disappointment or change.  Are they "just like you?"

Resilience is not an instinctive trait.  Unfortunately, we learn to cope by watching others deal with problems and by experiencing adversity ourselves.  Because each day in the life of a young child is filled with new experiences, their little worlds are often rocked by change and disappointment.  They didn't get the snack they wanted.  They can't go to the playground because it's raining.  And what's that?  They have to share your attention now because there is a new baby in the family?!  Waaaaaah!

As parents of very young children, I'm pretty sure you are given daily opportunities to help your children develop into healthy, happy, resilient human beings.  Please don't squander or overlook those opportunities.  As they arise, do your best to be a positive role model who guides them through the tough stuff and helps them keep the proper perspective. 

According to the NAEYC article I Am Safe and Secure: Promoting Resilience in Young Children By Peter J. Pizzolongo and Amy Hunter, "Research has emphasized the importance of early childhood as a time for promoting resilience (Masten & Gewirtz 2006). Positive relationships and environments that support healthy cognitive, social, emotional, and physical development provide the foundation for young children to develop the resources and skills they need to cope and adapt to adversity throughout childhood and the rest of their lives."

So where do you begin?  Look for any opportunities to help your child whenever something happens to them personally, to a friend, in a book, or even in a movie. 

• Encourage your child to "name, claim, and tame" those strong emotions.  Before they can control themselves, they need to be able to label and recognize how they are feeling.  As they begin to realize how they are feeling, they will also gain the self-control needed to move forward through a tough situation.
• Stop negative self-talk before it becomes habit.  There are two very POWERFUL words that should definitely become a part of your child's self-talk vocabulary in order for positive thinking to occur.  The magical words are simply, "at least."  "I know you love goldfish crackers, and you are sad that we ran out... at least we have these crackers instead."   "We can't go to the playground now, because it's raining.  I know you are disappointed, but at least we got to play in Shayna's Village today."
• Teach them to verbally reward themselves with positive self-talk. "I did it!" "That was hard, but I didn't give up!" "I was so mad, but I took deep breaths and felt better."
• Help them develop their natural abilities and encourage them to work diligently at whatever makes them happy.  Being good at something and having accomplishments strengthens confidence, which, in turn, helps a person stay strong when dealing with things (or people) that are less appealing.
• Simplify their schedule.  Simplify their playroom.  Simply be grateful.  Help them realize that rather than wanting more and wanting to do more, it is important to enjoy what they have.  Help them choose long-lasting, open-ended, creative toys.  Toys that work only one way get tossed to the side very quickly.  
• Help your child have a purpose by helping others.  Volunteer together.  Let them help you as you work on a project for their school or community.  As a family, put aside money for Tzedakah.  You do not have to look far to find someone worse off, even when you think you are living through the worst possible scenario.

If you are looking for motivation and inspiration, please set aside some time to watch the following video about my cousin's family.  I had the delight and privilege of hanging out with sweet, little Bash (George Sebastian) last summer at our family's reunion in North Carolina.  My memories of meeting him include watching him light up and dance whenever he heard music and listening to him overflow with giggles as my cousin held him under a tree in the rain and shook a branch, soaking the both of them.  I also remember thinking how he was safely wrapped in the arms of the most positive, loving, resilient family I have ever seen.  I am so proud of all that they have accomplished together.  Bash was my inspiration for writing this article.

Learning to be resilient won't make your child's problems disappear, but it will give them strength when they are faced with challenges.  As they move forward in life and inevitably get knocked down once in a while, won't you be proud to watch them pick themselves up, brush themselves off, and keep going toward happiness and success?

Bash's Journey To Bendinessfrom bashdimpleton.com

Shayna's Village is located within the Early Childhood Learning Center at the Roth JCC Maitland Campus.  When your child begins in our preschool, your entire family joins the JCC family. Both moms and dads make new friends through our fitness center and classes, sports leagues, arts programs, and family events. At the JCC, the entire family makes friends for life. 

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